"Generosity consists not in the sum given, but in the manner in which it is bestowed."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Have you ever said "yes" to a client request when you wanted to say "no"? Do you work hard to get new clients, but the thought of taking on more clients makes you secretly cringe? These are signs of over-giving. A super clear sign is when you start feeling resentful towards your clients.
The simple truth about genuine care is this; giving feels good.
Recall a day when you felt resourced, well-rested and were working with clients you knew you can help. How did helping those people feel? Warm and fuzzy, right? That feeling is a result of our ability to co-regulate. If we don't feel good after giving, we are likely dis-regulated.
The good news is that we can use that warm-and-fuzzy feeling to monitor our resources. If you start to lose that reward for giving, it might mean you donating more time or energy than you can spare. If we start feeling resentful, it's probably a flare-up of helper syndrome. It's a sign you need to rest, restore or receive support.
Progress Your Practice
Enjoy curated tools I use for my own healing and with clients from trusted experts.
- Generous Person or Over-Giver? (10-min read)
This counselling blog gives a thorough primer on over-giving and its costs.
Get Regulated (2x 10-min reads)
Read this article for a primer on the vagus nerve, which stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system to calm you down. Here you can also find 7 ways to regulate your nervous system. If you want to save time, here are some examples: (1) take an electronic sabbath, (2) seek out nature, (3) socialize, (4) yoga or tai chi, (5) hum or om.
- Consequences of Over-giving (10-min read)
The Tiny Buddha helps make ancient wisdom simple. This articles goes in depth on 3 consequences of over-giving: resentment, loss of identity, loss of intimacy.
If you have feedback or resources to share, please reply to let me know.
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I hope you enjoy it.